this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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