We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
how does that bad decision feel?
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