Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
