Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
