I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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