I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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