So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
