please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My vagina is very pro this idea
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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