She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
