I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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