Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
