He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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