Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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