Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
