a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
