You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
