I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
