I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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