If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
