Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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