K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
