wanna go halves on a baby?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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