Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
