yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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