I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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