her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
