I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
