five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
