Your face is a jimmy john
her vagine was all disorganized.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
