I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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