Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
