sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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