cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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