Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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