Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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