doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dear god my vagina.
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