i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
