my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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