Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
