Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
