cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
