i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
