My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
