I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
