Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
