She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
