Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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