It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
