Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
