Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
