So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
