is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
