we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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