WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we have pet lesbian snakes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
