in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Bring me that man meat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
