Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They have beer where we have blood.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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