I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
