just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
