sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
