Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
