are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
