He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
