I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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