you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize