I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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