a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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