My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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