He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
