remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
