so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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