So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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