Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
