My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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