At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
