I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
