Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
