My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
