my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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