so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
