on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
