The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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