All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
