You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
