I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Pooping to opera.
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