So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
