oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
