I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
