I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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