do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
