Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
