RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
