$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
