matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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