i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
