Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
