i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
