i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
