My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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