You work out of a Hotel?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
