This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
